WEEK 4 RECAP: THE PATRICK INCURSION
Welcome to the Scoring Period 4 recap. I’m sure you can tell by my writing style that I am not Ian Shaw. He’s taking a week off to rest his foot because I have it on good authority that he writes all of his articles with his toes, so be ready for guest writers for the foreseeable future. The best part of our head to head league format is also its curse. The only thing that matters is your opponent and how the opposing team performs is nearly as important as your own. Because of that, it can be difficult to properly evaluate how well your squad is doing and where improvements can be made. Did I win because I played an underperforming team? Did I lose despite a strong performance because of statistical outliers by my opponent? Many will rightly tell you that the meta conversation doesn’t matter, but when teams are looking to pull the plug earlier and earlier it’s important to understand exactly how well your team is actually doing versus what it feels like in the standings.
Let’s take a look at the top 3 performances and bottom 3 stinkers for Scoring Period 4.
top 3 performers
red soto cups (james swindell)
I made up this poem on the spot about James’ team and totally didn’t ask ChatGPT to do it:
In the realm of baseball's fantasy land,
A team oft cursed by fate's heavy hand.
Their bats once dull, now sing with might,
Each swing a symphony, a thrilling sight.
Their pitching staff, once prone to woes,
Now strikes out batters, their confidence grows.
From bottom dwellers to soaring high,
In this enchanted game, they reach for the sky.
James has historically been the poster child for a league called League of Mediocre Gentle(wo)men. He’s aggressively, passionately, mediocre. He would dig for guys that weren’t good, create lasting relationships with players that needed to be dropped, and would be touched by the injury angel in his no-no place more than most.
That was then, and this is New James. NJ, we can call him.
James had a dominant week, winning 8 categories and also scoring highest in roto points. He did it against a tough opponent who had a top half week himself (Jonathan was the 6th strongest opponent in Scoring Period 4). The only category he was in the bottom half in was ERA, but that was more than made up for by a consistently strong offensive performance. Did I just use “James” and “consistent” in the same sentence? Well… no, I said “he”, but same difference. NJ has drawn from multiple other owners’ playbooks and is nimbly hitting the waiver wire to find value, improving his team, and not getting caught up on name recognition. There’s definitely staying power here too, because he didn’t rely on any hero performances to get the job done. His top offensive weapons this week were Andy Pages, Mike Harris, and Jose Ramirez. Going into the year, James would probably be the 3rd or 4th owner in line to get Pages, but NJ is all over it. A special shoutout to his minor league hawking. He’s gotten to most notable players first, like an addict looking for his next fix.
Looking ahead he matches up with Heller, who is coming off a dreadful showing. The proof will be how he fares against a weaker opponent and we could see a blowout as he continues to climb the standings.
kourtside king (joey mcdermott)
I might have spelled his last name wrong, but I couldn’t bother to look it up. Joey also won a solid 8 categories, just like NJ, but against a weaker opponent. Heller didn’t have a great week, and I have a feeling we will talk about him later.
Here’s a renaissance fresco of a superior baseball team beating down an inferior one that I totally drew myself and didn’t ask an AI to do:
The disfigured faces are from Joey’s bats slamming against Heller’s weak flesh, nearly doubling up both home runs and RBI’s. The power numbers were spread equally across his squad but he also benefited from heroes as well. Bobby Witt accounted for half of his steals total, and JT Realmuto + Witt contributed to the lion’s share of RBI’s compared to the rest of the squad.
On the pitching side his strategy continues to shine. The question at this stage is whether he’s intentionally gone after ratios/innings and abandoned relievers or whether it just turned out that way. If this streak continues you can guarantee there will be a meta shift as other teams try to keep pace.
Looking ahead Joey hits the Vinson buzz saw and while it’s been a tough go for the defending champs all the metrics still point to it being a tough test.
you don’t know jax (patrick weaver)
Bender: In the name of all that is good and logical, we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic, one zero zero zero one zero one zero one zero one zero one...
[Time lapse.]
Bender: Zero zero one... zero one one zero zero one… two.
—----
This was a better joke going into Sunday, when my team was at the top of every offensive category except for 1. James and Joey spoiled that, but the bit is the bit and if anyone knows anything about me they know I can’t just let the bit go no matter the cost.
My team won 8 categories this week just like the top 2 and did so against a middle to bottom half opponent in Brooke. The offseason offensive juggernaut has arrived, and we’re still waiting for Acuna to heat up. Despite injuries, some surprising names have rallied around the top names to help carry the load. Gunnar Henderson has woken up from a cool start, Aaron Judge hit 3 home runs, Eduard Julien hit over .400, and Alec Bohm hit almost .600. Yes, .600. While we can’t expect those types of AVG numbers to continue, it does bode well for offensive consistency, especially if the bigger names start to heat up.
On the flip side, my pitching has been a dumpster fire of epic proportions. Everybody stinks and everyone is hurt. Grayson Rodriguez had a 14 ERA this week! The only silver lining is that my offseason injury gamble hasn’t bit me, those guys are slowly becoming healthy, and I’m poised to have a solid reliever heavy squad. I’ve consistently been at the top or near the top in SVHD each week, and I’m hoping that will carry me forward. You know what they say, where there’s hope there’s fire.
Looking ahead I play Mike, the dirty rotten cheater, this week. He’s all smug with his ill gotten gains but I think my offense is still better. I guess we’ll see then.
honorable mention: oneil & O’neill attys at law (ian shaw)
Ian is going to read this article and cry foul. I’m sure there will be at least a few other owners at his pitchfork stand ready to burn the whole place down. He had a league best 10 wins this week, and also reclaims the top spot in the standings, but he did so by beating a team that had a historically bad week. According to the roto rankings he had the 4th best week, just missing the cut. He’ll say that the 10 wins are the only thing that matters, and he may be right. He can write his own article about that next time.
bottom 3 stinkers
i like ian on topper (Dan Someweirdpolishlastname-lewinski)
Dan only lost 7 categories, but had a poor offensive showing across the roto board against a team that played marginally better than him so he still found himself 10th. Wait, he didn’t have a poor offensive showing, he had a cataclysmic offensive showing. He only scored 11 roto points this week across the 6 categories, which meant he averaged worse than 11th place in each one. Thank god his pitching helped him. The pitching performance buoyed him as much as it could, like a 60 year old’s fake boobs floating in the pool.
He also had a controversial trade this week, feeding into his homerism. It brings to mind the following song, which I expect the reader to say aloud in William Shatner’s voice:
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Double barrel buckshot)
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?
I originally had all of verse 1 but I cut it for length, just like Dan does every night…. Nevermind.
Shining spots for Dan are a clutch Ryan Jeffers pickup and Brenton Doyle hitting .400, but that is small comfort compared to a solid pitching week. I’m a huge fan of his drive-by style pitcher streaming strategy. I want to sit down with him and understand if he has a one night stand strategy that’s bleeding into fantasy baseball because the dude can get digits from any girl at the bar He got great starts from Bibee and Fedde, Rodon might be Rodon again, Dean Kremer gave him a 10 K/BB. Just magical.
Looking ahead Dan plays against his namesake. Let’s hope his bats can stand erect against a team that won’t show any mercy.
pickle the beast (andrew heller)
Heller came in at number 11 this week and was about 10% worse than the team above him. He lost 8 categories against a strong opponent, and despite an ok pitching showing was undone by poor ratios and an offense that’s come back to earth.
Listen. I like Taylor Ward, Turang, CJ Abrams, and guys like that, but their hot starts weren’t going to be sustainable and Heller needs his better players to right the ship. Wyatt Langford remains a bright spot, but Fernando “Titties” Tatis Jr., needs to shake it off and step up.
On the pitching side it looks like he went for volume and the ratios burned him hard. It can be a recipe for success, but not without the bats to back it up.
Looking ahead Heller has this week’s hot target, NJ. This will be a good opportunity to try to stabilize from his early season success and turn NJ back into James.
elly enchanted (richard martindell jr)
Richard had a really bad week, losing 10 categories. How bad, you say? He finished with 48% of the points that NJ did, which means that if you doubled his points he’d still not have been on top. It was a great week to play Richard, but not one to be him. Tough Luck.
While it was all bad, his hitting was just a bit worse. It wasn’t Dan bad, but unlike Dan he didn’t have anything to help offset it. Let’s take a look at some of the numbers. Trea Turner on Ian’s team had an average to above average week, hitting .313. It would take Richard’s combined production from Elly De La Cruz, Marcus Semien, Vinnie Pasquantino, and Anthony Santandar to surpass Turner’s hit total. That ain’t it, and Richard has to hope that guys who’ve looked like MVP’s like Elly can get away from their streaky ways to find stability in his lineup.
On the pitching side Imanaga, Yamamoto, and Pepiot continue to excel, but Cy Young hopeful Joe Musgrove’s 17 (!!!!) ERA torpedo’d the week. Wait did I say Musgrove? I meant Aaron Civale. They’re like batman and shit robin.
Looking ahead Richard has Jonathan in his sights. Is the new guy licking his lips, or will a Pasquatch sighting return?
That’s all for this week, and in conclusion remember that my team is awesome, your team isn’t, and any trade that doesn’t involve me is the worst trade in league history.
